Writing Wednesday: Mr and Mrs Sith

Featured art by Victor921 on DeviantArt.

MR. AND MRS. SITH – EPISODE 1 FADE IN INT. KITCHEN – SITH HOUSEHOLD – NIGHT

MR. and MRS. SITH, who both wear DARTH VADER style masks and dark robes, are sat at the kitchen table in their ordinary suburban home.

Mr. SITH finishes one last bite of his meal and then pushes his plate away with force powers. Mrs. SITH gets up to collect the pots and take them over to the sink.

MR. SITH

That meal was lovely.

MRS. SITH

Thank you, dear.

MR. SITH

No! That’s awful! I like my meals rank and crawling in filth!

Mr. SITH slams the table.

MR. SITH

Don’t you know how I like my food by now?

MRS. SITH

(cries) Well if you spent as much time with me as you do trying to conquer the galaxy…

MR. SITH

Be quiet woman! You call me home for dinner just as the jedi forces begin to weaken.

Mrs. Sith puts the plates down next to the sink. Pauses, then turns to face her husband.

MRS. SITH

A sith lord doesn’t get far without food in his belly!

MR. SITH

I am sustained by the force. It’s power grows within me.

MRS. SITH

Well, perhaps MR. “Strong-in-the-force” would like to help with the washing up?

MR. SITH

I will do no menial tasks. Why do you think we have the jawas?

Two JAWAS walk in making noises to themselves, pick up the trash and take it outside.

MR. SITH

See? Besides, washing up is women’s work. As the Dark Mistress it is your duty!

MRS. SITH

Dark duty?! And I suppose your dark duty is to sit in front of the TV and watch the pod races!

Mr. Sith shoots up, angry.

MR. SITH

You know very well that I have republic credits on the season leader!

MRS. SITH

Well, tonight you are doing the washing up!

Mr. Sith draws his lightsaber.

MR. SITH

What makes you think that, old fool?

MRS. SITH

Old fool am I? She draws her lightsaber.

MRS. SITH

Well, at least I’m not going impotent in my old age!

MR. SITH

That’s an old battle wound!

He roars. They charge at each other. Slash with their blades. After a few strikes Mrs. Sith is knocked back.

MR. SITH

Take your washing, spiteful wench!

Mr. Sith lifts the plates with his force powers and pushes them towards Mrs. Smith. They hit her smack in the face and break.

MRS. SITH

Why you…!

She lunges.

They fight until Mrs. Smith kicks him back against the wall. She lifts the fridge with her force powers and the fridge thuds straight onto him.

Pause.

Mr. Smith roars. The fridge flies through the ceiling.

He emerges, turns on his lightsaber again and charges at her. His attack is relentless. She panics under his onslaught.

He pauses. He force chokes her and as she hovers several feet off the ground, he force pushes every item in the room at her, the table whooshes up and breaks in two before hitting her, the chairs, the sink, the counter top, the cupboards, the walls, the ceiling and the door.

Mr. Sith stands over the huge pile of rubble. He turns off his lightsaber.

MR. SITH

Now, clean that up, bitch. I want my supper by 9!

FADE OUT

Pre-made Tweet sized message below. Just click to tweet!

Tweet: Mr & Mrs Sith: @imagineemmjun has written another masterpiece of #speculativefiction at https://ctt.ec/aOmuy+ #starwars

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