How to Create a Giraffe

*image courtesy of HowStuffWorks

The following is a sketch script I wrote for a challenge on HitRECord.org. Please check out my account there and support me. With enough attention and likes my work might be featured in short films and other final, already-funded productions. 

I also recommend any other creative, from beginner to pro, joins up there too, for the same benefits. It’s  wonderful place that’ll inspire and motivate you. It’s already taking up all my free time. 


God Creates Giraffes

INT- GOD’S OFFICE – DAY
GOD is slumped over his desk, holy flowing robes and scruffy, matted beard covering all of his face. 

An alarm clock goes off on his desk. 

He groans and there’s movement. A tablet slides out from under his beard, then his hands holding it. His eyes blink open above it and he taps a few times. Suddenly the alarm clock dissappears. 

An ANGEL floats in and flutters beside God. 

ANGEL: Sir, you can’t just erase alarms from existence every time you have to get up from work. How did you think it looks to the other boys? 

God straightens up, still groggy, possibly still drunk. 

GOD: The boys? HIC! We’re any of the boys up until 60,000,000,000,000,000 BC trying to do the fiddly bits around snakes’ toes?

ANGEL: how did it go?

GOD: Terrible. So I’ve decide to scrap them. 

ANGEL: Snakes?!

GOD: Nah (he wipes his nose and mouth on his robe) Just their legs. They can wiggle around or maybe just roll down hills like kids on summer mornings in parks. 

ANGEL: Sir, I’m not sure…

GOD: It’ll be fine! Didn’t stop the …. whaduya callem? Whaduya callem? (Snaps fingers) worms! What color did the cat turn out? 

ANGEL: All of them. 

GOD: What? 

ANGEL: All the colours. He said if we opened the box before we released them on Earth, they’d only be one colour – like the wombats. 

GOD: Me damn Schrodinger’s Delivery service!Remind me to have a genocide or two for his country. Ok. Where did we finish last night? 

ANGEL: You mean, before the binge?

ANGEL floats down and picks up an empty beer can and shakes it to illustrate his point. 

GOD: Yeah, yeah. It was the rhinos’ fault. I couldn’t figure out what shape to make it. So I just made it all higgledipigglede. 

ANGEL: Well, sir. We were still on Africa. 

GOD: Oh me! Still? Everything is brown. Im so sick of it. My brown is running out! We must be almost done. 

ANGELS: Just a few more herbivores to balance out t-

GOD: (under his breath) pussies. (Normal) OK. 

GOD straightens himself up at his desk, shuffles into a comfy position for a little longer than the ANGEL is comfortable with, then prepares to draw on his tablet like a maestro conducting. 

GOD: Ahem. How about… an African horse, right? Now don’t interrupt because I know you’re gonna say we got horses everywhere already but this one (he’s drawing hard)… has longer legs. And spots! It’s a leopard horse! The zebra was a hit let’s try spots. I’ll make it effeminate too because Africa is way too macho right now. 

He shows the drawing to the ANGEL. It’s a horse with legs so long it can’t possibly reach the ground to eat. 

ANGEL: how will it eat?

GOD looks at the tablet like he never considered it. 

GOD: it can eat leaves. 

ANGEL: in Africa? 

GOD: there’s some. As long as the humans don’t destroy them all…

ANGEL: but sir, you already know what they are going to do. 

GOD: ok? I’ll give it a really long neck too so it can reach all the leaves. And also it’s a weapon.

ANGEL: the neck? 

GOD: because that would be hilarious, watching that lanky bugger whack other lanky things with its neck. 

GOD loses himself in a fit of laughter. 

It goes on uncomfortably long a time. 

Eventually GOD’s laughter subsides, he wheezes and the wheezes become snores. 

The ANGEL realizes it’s all he’s going to do for a while. So he takes he tablet, looks at the drawing again, confused, but shrugs and admits:

ANGEL: well, it’s not his worst work. Tho he really shouldn’t have been trying out the weed when me made Australia. 

The ANGEL leaves with the tablet. 
THE END

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