How NOT to adapt a video game to a movie

I never had high hopes for this movie but I was mildly interested when I saw they were basing it on the recent game series (the gritty reboot). So, I watched the trailer with a tiny hope that a sleeper hit might be on the horizon, but what I saw looked like a B-movie rip off with a high budget for CGI. The casting seems all wrong and a good story was handed to them and they wasted it, ruining the core (no pun intended) of what Tomb Raider is.

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How to torture yourself

So today I had a wisdom tooth extracted and it’s been coming for a while, but I’ve been trying to ignore it because I’ve never had a tooth extracted before. I have memories of watching my sister have all of her wisdom teeth removed when I was maybe eight or nine.

How to find your calm

I’ve had a tough couple of days sleep-wise, feeling totally exhausted throughout the day due to insomnia. So I’ve not got anything done all week and I feel bad for it, punishing myself like I have a choice. Classic me.

How to waste a wish

The following is a short skit written for a project on HitRECord. Check it out to find more of my work and other great artists working for the first social media production company.

How to be successful

One problem I have had through out my entire time online is just how much there is to do and manage. If you’re a normal person (i.e. not an artist) I can imagine that it doesn’t matter if you are only on one social media and concentrate on that, but as an artist I feel I have to be in as many places as possible and be active on all of them to draw attention to my work.

How to get off your arse (temporarily)

I woke up today feeling invigorated and after a week or two of feeling at a loss and extremely unmotivated. I’ve lots of time while unemployed but I can’t concentrate on my writing because I’m oddly worried about when the food will run out.

How to increase representation in the MCU

Dear Marvel,

Congratulations on saving Spider-Man. Since returning from seeing *Spider-man Homecoming* two weeks ago, I’m still buzzing when I think about it (sorry I was a bit late, but I do live in Japan and that’s how it is with movies here – at least this one came out in the same year). I wanted to thank you for doing what I knew you would do and that is create an accurate Spider-man film. I absolutely loved the teenage goofiness and bumbling heroism that we saw in Peter’s character. It felt honest and was a refreshing joy to watch. I’m now looking forward to more in his inevitable trilogy, and it’s that which I am writing to you about.

How to wish for nothing

I was somehow in charge of a magic stone that could grant unlimited wishes as long as you held it. It wasn’t really just a stone either. There was a whole story of its origin being some monster’s brother’s cousin’s former roommates’ heart or something but I forget the details. All I remember now was that it looked like a brown pebble and had some grey markings across it

How to Holiday in a Typhoon

So, as my Twitter followers will already know, and for that matter anyone who follows the hashtag #FuckYouTyphoon, I had a nice holiday during a typhoon period. Just to be clear, I had booked the holiday way in advance, before I knew the typhoon was coming, though I would understand if some of you thought I chose to go out in it. I just didn’t want to waste my money; here in Japan you are expected to go to work in a typhoon and you are expected to show up for reservations unless it is physically impossible to keep them – even then they will still argue that you owe them the money.

You Aren’t What You Eat

Everything would be alright when they got home. John gripped the steering wheel for another corner on the rural lane, repeating the thought in his head. It had been a tough weekend, harder than any of them had anticipated, but it was under control, all over. They just had to get home and they could relax. He looked at the dashboard clock. They had plenty of time. Dusk was settling in, but they were almost home and there hadn’t been any noise from back there since they had left the camp site. The last hurdle was a toll gate on the edge of town.

How to move on from quitting your job

Yeah, so I did that, and I’ve been mulling over what to do about it for a while now. As followers will know, I applied for an online Master’s course in Creative Writing at the start of the year, but while they were in the process of deciding if they wanted me (let’s face it, they would have said yes) I got an email from them saying that they had cancelled the course

How to have freaky dreams

I told you I was freaky, baby. Last night was a relative cornucopia of freaky images in my head box. First I dreamt I was protecting a baby again (shut up, biological clock) only this time, I was on a beach and had to fight a giant octopus so we could sail our makeshift raft to safety.